Well, the main point in all what is happening with us is that you are more interested in to proof that you are right than change your attitudes that hurt me.
The following situations are hurting me:
1) Since I was living at Matema we had agreed that when you don’t have to cook you can come earlier to my house. So, when you prefer to stay with your friends or in the shop instead of me, it hurts me.
2) I already told you that the fact you don’t want to see me everyday hurts me. How can you want to marry somebody who you don’t want to see everyday? When you decide to have a day off of me, it hurts me, even when you are tired.
3) I already told you about innocent touch, because I need to feel loved even when you don’t want to touch me. When you touch me just when you want something else, it hurts me. I already told you that when you have to leave me, I need care and ‘innocent touch’ to feel loved, protected and safe.
4) When you are late, it hurts me. I don’t know how many times we have talked about not to be late, and when you are late, it hurts me, because I feel disrespected.
5) When you do something to try to compensate the others that hurt me, it doesn’t help. When you do something for me, please, don’t guilt me for the consequences of your decisions, even when these decisions are beneficing me (e.g.: to leave B. to stay with me). I have never asked to you do this kind of things.
6) When you say that I turn a small thing into a big problem, or say that what hurts me is nothing, I feel disrespected, It hurts me. When you hurt me, you have to think if is really important to prove that you are right and I’m wrong, because acting like this you are not acting like Jesus before the Church. I’m not judging you. I’m talking about how I feel with your attitudes. So, please, don’t try to judge my attitudes, even when they look as child attitudes.
7) So, how can you try to kiss me when I’m so sad? When you tell me that you love me, it doesn’t solve the situation, because you must love with words AND attitudes. Love is a decision. I have told you that when you hurt me then after try to kiss me it hurts me more, because it makes me feel as an object that you want to use, not a person with feelings. For me, physical contact is just an external expression of what is inside, in our heart.
You really must to understand the value of the things is important to me.
You know, I must respect you as the Church respects Jesus, and you must love me as Jesus loves the Church. How can you do it? How?
What would Jesus do in all these situations? What kind of love are you demonstrating me? So, when you talk about how much you love me, remember that what you feel only matters to you, but what you do to the people you say you love that is what matters. This is the only thing that counts.
So, what I’m asking you beyond all this points is to leave me alone the most part of the time on these weeks, because my responsibility before God is not to make decisions with doubts, but with faith in His word. I have a lot of doubts about to marry you, because everything happened these 7 months and because the reasons I had appointed below, so I need a word from God, and I need to proof my feelings about you. If I’m not sure, I cannot marry you, I’m not jocking with you. I cannot betray God and His will again. I cannot live with all these attitudes I had appointed to you.
I know it is not easy for you. But If I don’t have time alone with God or if you continue to calling me, pushing me, trying to stay with me, I won’t hear Jesus, I won’t to do anything else, I must stop everything until I listen Him. We went to far, and I must stop before be to late.
So, please, respect my decision, leave me alone these days. Seek God. If is His will, we will be together forever. But I cannot make this step without listening Him.